Further news from yours truly. Updates on my crazy mother in law and the situation from the previous blog. 

Okay, so maybe I was a little bit harsh on that last blog. However, I have some new information that might support why I was so angry in the first place. 

It's been a month since I've seen my mother in law. I haven't even talked to her on the phone or face to face. Nothing. I did try to call her, but she ignored me. Just as well, I've been ignoring her too. I deleted my Facebook. I'm so sick of it being on my phone. I love not being on social media. It's nice. Yes I have a pinterest, instagram and snapchat, but that is the only "social" things I have for people to access me. The reason I got rid of it: My mother in law. Well, get this... 3 days ago my husband receives a text message from her that read:

"Nate, I feel like Amanda hasn't wanted anything to do with me for a while now. I've tried to get a hold of her and try to talk to her, but she just ignores me. I want to have a relationship with her like I do with Meshelle and Christy (those are my sister in laws). I'm sitting here at Matt and Meshelle's with tears streaming down my face. I know that one day it will happen and I keep praying that it will, but right now it just hurts. Thanks for listening, I love you son."

Okay, seems harmless enough. Maybe she really does feel bad. So we replied. 

"Mom,it hurts me to see you and Amanda not talking, and I wish nothing more than to see you two talking again, however, I know there were things said on both ends that were wrong. I didn't appreciate the way you talked to Amanda. It hurt me as much as it hurt her. I don't feel like the way the situation was handled was very appropriate. I know Amanda loves you and thinks about you because she prays for you often. I love you two and hope things will get resolved soon." 

Then she replied like this:

"My behavior, what about hers? Did you ream her like you just reamed me? Did you tell her she was wrong too or is it just my fault?"

"And what about her previous behavior of not wanting to do anything with us since October?" 

Whoa, this is turning into a "it's not my fault, it's hers" kinda thing. So, My husband obviously ignored those texts, so I called my mother in law. She didn't answer. So I left a message

"Hi it's Amanda, I just wanted to say that this whole tension between us isn't good and I just wanted to apologize for anything I might have said that upset you. It wasn't my intention to hurt you or be mean to you. I hope you have a good day. Bye"

Then I got a text message from my mother in law: (this is 100% accurate from my mother in law)

" Hi. Thanks for your message. I want to be your friend and I really though that we had that going for us. 

I want nate and kim to be in the conversation as well. 

I'm sorry too, but I did try to talk to you a day after the initial episode at your house. I did not know I was blocked, except on Facebook. Never have I been treated or blocked for so long. That hurts, but it shows maturity. 

I'm sorry for my part in the disagreement. I should not have put the two things together, needing to see that my daughter was okay, and my frustration in being told we hadn't done anything to help her. 

I am sorry

I will take me some time to trust again, but I've forgiven you. Thanks for Finally returning my call. 

I do have one more request. It has to do with the advice Kim and I were given when we were married 42 years ago in the Logan temple by President Heaton. 

He said don't take anything negative about your spouse or spouse's family back to your family. Only tell them good things that happen, because they will always take their child's side of things. 

I would appreciate if you have something to say about me that you are frustrated with you come to me, not your mom, Amanda. Thanks

I can truly say that i haven't talked badly about you to anyone. You are our son's choice in a wife and we love you like a daughter. We don't always agree with our kids, but we love them unconditionally."

I sat back and started to bawl. She has no idea the severity of the situation. Come to find out, There are SEVERAL offenses she has made against me that are untrue. 

First- she has accused me of telling her that she was a bad mother. This is untrue. I never once said she was a bad mom or that she never helped her other kids. When my husband told her this, she said 

"well she was snappy with me and I didn't appreciate it". When she asked me why we were picking up my sister in law I responded by saying "Somebody I guess had to do it, so since she called us, I assumed we were the ones". Apparently, That statement is what she is REALLY mad at me about. From that one line, She has pulled out every hateful and lying thing to try and make it sound like I was the one who instigated this whole problem. 

Second- she has accused me of being immature by blocking her on facebook and from my phone. When I unblocked her and was able to see the 500 rude messages she had sent me, I was grateful I did block her. She said nothing but rude things to my while she was blocked. That right there is Harassment, and she could have a police notice on her door from that. Now let me ask you, Isn't it just as immature for her to come barging into my house and my bedroom to yell at me and accuse me of doing her wrong because of one sentence I said that she took in the wrong way? We could have avoided this whole CATASTROPHE if she had simply said "Amanda, something you said to me the other night hurt my feelings and I want some clarification". That right there, totally makes sense. I would have apologized immediately for upsetting her, because my intention wasn't to be mean to her. 

Third- she told me that i shouldn't tell my mom anything about her. Okay, I feel like that is good advice and is fair. However, 4 of my husbands siblings and their spouses have talked to me and they all think I was right in the situation. They also told me that my mother in law has called every one of them and back- talked about me to them. WAIT WAIT WAIT... didn't she just say not to talk to your family about your spouse or your spouses family? AND yet, here it is that 5 people- including my husband have proven TEXT messages that she has ragged about me to them and has done the very thing she told me not to do. Hypocrite. 

Fourth- she has complained that I haven't done anything with them since October. Sigh, here we go. 

In October, I called my mother in law and said "Hey, if you and dad aren't doing anything tonight, can we meet you at the Artic Circle in Spanish Fork?" Yeah, so we had dinner with them and spent like an hour and a half with them. 

In November, My mother in law said "hey, we want to go to dinner with you, can you come"

So they took us out to a new Chinese Restaurant and we spent another couple of hours with them. 

In December, my mother and father in law left around December 15th to go to Ohio and Texas to see my other in laws that live in those states. They were gone for 2+ weeks. From Dec 1 until the 12th, my husband had finals and was studying his butt off. So, I rest my case. 

Maybe I'm totally wrong. Maybe I should just let go of this and just say that she is right and apologize profusely for being a horrible person and being raised by snotty people? 

Needless to say I've blocked my mother in law on my phone again because I don't need it blown up with horrid text messages while I'm at work or at school. And, I deleted my facebook so she can't say anything about that. I surely don't know what to say to her, but I know that one day I will say the right thing and we can just push this past us. But for now, I'm fine not having her in my life and my husband is okay with that as well. He's never had a relationship with his mom and he definitely doesn't want to start now. 

 

Dear Readers,

This next blog is more of a venting/ hurt/ frustrate write. Please bear with me while I get out the things on my mind.

I'm going to come right out and say it. I'm very frustrated with my mother-in-law. She is one of the most selfish beings that I know. I don't even consider knowing her a privilege. Knowing her is a curse, to which there is no way to get out of. Once you know her, you'd wish you didn't. I'm fortunate enough that my husband has absolutely NONE of her characteristics.

Okay, you might say this is rather harsh. It's not. Believe me, once you hear what she has done to earn her the title of WORST mother/ mother-in-law/ worst person ever in history, you'll agree with me.

My husband's youngest sister has gotten into some trouble. Okay, a lot of trouble. She hasn't made the best decisions- but then who of us hasn't made mistakes? Anyway, this past week my husband and I found out that my sister-in-law was being physically abused by her boyfriend. We called the police and filed a report that her boyfriend, was abusing her. The saddest part about all of this is that my sister-in-law is 10 weeks pregnant. Her boyfriend knows that she's pregnant and that it's his baby.
Regardless of that information, he continues to beat her every day due to his aggressive behavior and his drugged up mind. On Thursday we got a call that she was in the hospital and that we needed to pick her up. I immediately dropped what I was doing, called my husband to come get me, and we drove up to Salt Lake to get her from the hospital. When we arrived, she was black and blue and swollen everywhere. Her head was 3 times bigger than it normally is and her face was so beat up you could barely tell who she was. I'm going to pause for a minute and tell you all that it DOES NOT matter if you got yourself into a bad situation. NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE deserves to be beat by someone who "supposedly" loves them. I don't care how angry you make them, or they make you.

So, after picking up my sister-in-law, taking her to get something to eat, and picking up her prescriptions, my mother-in-law FINALLY called (we had been with my sister in law for about 3 hours now). My mother in law wanted the scoop on what was going on. She wanted to know if my sister in law was on drugs still and that this was my sister in laws fault for getting herself into this kind of situation. I kindly told my mother in law that the POLICE officer told me the best things we could do as SIBLINGS was to love her and let her know that we are there for her during this hard time. I told her I'd update her as soon as I knew what we were going to do .

My husband and I didn't go to bed until 2:00 am that next morning.

We picked up some essential things for my sister in law, got an air mattress for her to sleep on and she has been staying with us for the past 4 days. We have been letting her eat our food, shower, and sleep. She knows she is safe while she is here and that we aren't going to let anything happen to her.

On Friday night ( a day after we picked up my sister in law) my mother and father in law show up at our apartment- unannounced and uninvited. My mother in law burst into our home and started to yell at my sister in law. My husband and I went into our bedroom to talk while my sister and mother in law hashed out whatever it was my mother in law was pissed about. A few moments later, my mother in law opened our bedroom door and proceeded to yell at me. She pointed her fat fingers at me and started to criticize me for calling her a bad mother and that she didn't do anything to help these girls out. If I recall the exact words she used were "How DARE you come into this family and criticize of me and yell at me and tell me that I am an unfit mother". Now, I could feel my blood start to boil at this point. First off, I said nothing about her being a bad mother. I never told her that she didn't do anything to help these girls out. I never even suggested that she was being a bad mother. Of course I was thinking it and all of my husbands siblings know she's probably the worst mom, but we never said anything to her. Secondly, how dare she enter my home and disturb the peace of my home. How dare she feel like she has authority over me. And how DARE SHE yell at me and criticize and accuse me of saying things that were not even true!

This went on for over an hour! She yelled at me because of how I was raised. She told me I was a horrible person. The list goes on... quite frankly, I don't want to repeat the vile things that came out of her mouth.

So here I am, days later, still shaking over the horrible things. I don't know what to do from here on out. My husband and I have only been married 8 months. Already, we've had problems with his mother. I hate her! I hate everything about her! I know it doesn't do any good to hate anyone, but right now I'm still so upset that I don't know what else to do but hate her.

I feel like I must express my feelings today. I know we all have days where we struggle. I cannot begin to express the feelings I have had today. 

For the past 10 months I've struggled with Depression. I think I've always been clinically depressed, but after my 19th birthday last year, it escalated quickly. I began to notice a change in my mannerisms. I was more tired, even after having 12 hours of sleep. I lost interest in things that I loved to do (like reading). I wasn't happy anymore. Needless to say, I still am not happy. I haven't been in a while. There are times when I feel better and I act like I am happy, but deep down inside me I know I am not. There are times when I feel like my life isn't moving forward. I live in a blank stare. No color, no movement...just empty. I think I have moments in my life that make me feel happy. But those moments only last a short time. It should be reversed. I should be happy all the time with the occasional down day. I used to wonder what was wrong with me, but now I'm just used to it. 

Today I cried for no reason (I haven't cried for no reason in 2 months). Why do I feel so alone all the time? I have so much to be grateful for! I have my family, friends, and most importantly my Heavenly Father. There aren't words to describe to him how I feel. I don't even know what I could say to him to explain how horrid I feel all the time. How I'm always scared, how I feel useless to people, how I feel like a bother, how I feel like I'm in the way, how I feel like a jerk... I can't win with myself. I know he is there. Sometimes I feel like someone is wrapping a blanket around me. It comforts me until I fall asleep. But when I wake up in the morning, I'm back to square 1, trying to even get myself out of bed. I have so many things I want to do. So many goals that I want to accomplish for myself, but I can't seem to gather enough energy or desire to even try. I feel like a failure. The medications have helped a bunch, but they can only do so much. I still feel down and alone. It's so interesting because people tell me all the time "But you aren't alone". True, so very true, but what I feel and what is reality is totally different. It's like if someone hears you vs someone who listens to you. 

I think a lot of the things that have been affecting me have to deal with the dealings of life. I can't seem to save up enough money. I have no idea where it all goes to. Between making a car payment, gas, putting money into savings, phone payment and tithing, I eat up my whole paycheck. I don't go out to eat anymore. I go without buying make up, I wait until my clothes have holes in them, you'd think I'd be able to save something. I'm lucky to keep my account open. Plus I have to pay for tuition out of pocket! No scholarships for this girl unfortunately. You'd think with a 4.0 GPA in High School and applying for 300+ scholarhips, something would have happened. But no. It didn't. I can't apply for FAFSA or a Pell Grant because I live with my parents and they make too much. I would move out, and I was planning on it, but I couldn't because I couldn't afford it. I don't make enough working 12 hour shifts at the Hospital to even move out. I can't even live at home and afford anything. My parents try to help out the best they can, but they are even tightening their belts on their own income. It makes me sad to think the economy has come to this. The cost of living is more expensive than what the average american earns. So basically, we can't even live. We are just surviving. It isn't right. It's hard to watch so many people suffer because of it. 

Now, maybe I'm just venting about my frustrations. It does make me feel better to write. I do know that I will be okay, but until this passes, it is sure going to be a long climb to reach the end. One day it will all make sense, I just have to wait I guess.